November 30, 2004
There are some moments when I think I really can’t take five more minutes of this. This sentiment comes in the form of many discouragements: a 14 years old student being raped, contracting an STD and having an abortion to terminate the baby that resulted from her tragedy. 14! Or sometimes it comes in the form of one more bill I wasn’t expecting to be “that much?”. My mind replays the countless reasons my boss has given for why a raise isn’t an option. The upcoming expense of Christmas looms heavy on the horizon, and I am not sure how I am going to be able to give this year. Since giving is my love language, as well as my spiritual gift, I’m a little burdened over the seemingly shrinking resources at my disposal. I turn on the radio to “escape” and I am serenaded by memories of someone I would give anything to talk to, but can’t. I wonder how long this will hurt. When does obedience produce the fruit of peace and hope? There is no answer so I just turn the station. NPR. Yes, nothing on NPR can hurt.
It’s safe to say that I am going through a “thing” right now. Well-meaning friends promise me that it will pass. “Grown-ups” in my life chuckle as they assure me that my struggles are just the trials of being 26. This is the thing. I believe them. I know that this is normal part of 20 something. I know it will pass. But that knowledge has failed to bloom into hope. And it is this hope that I am counting on to drive out the defeated, burned-out, broken hearted, wilderness that I am lumbering through.
I would like to end this with and inspirational verse of hope or some witty retort that is meant to ease the reader. But as I have come to learn, sometimes we don’t get to feel better about our situation. So if I have managed to be a complete downer, sorry. Go do what I am going to do to get through today. Take a walk, dream of Ireland and read some recommended C.S. Lewis. Funny how “Til We have Faces” makes a lot more sense than “Kill We have Faces.” Some people talk too fast…I guess I can’t help the witty retorts.
November 27, 2004
From “Instruments in the Hands of the Redeemer.” By Paul David Tripp
“At it’s centre, sin is spiritual adultery. It takes the love that belongs to God alone and gives it to someone or something else. It is a life shaped by the satisfaction of cravings, rather than by heartfelt commitment and faithfulness. Every sinner is in some way a spiritual adulterer.
“The deepest issues of life are issues of WORSHIP. Worship is more fundamental to our essential nature than the pain, pressures, or pleasures of our experiences. What we worship determines our responses to all our experiences. Sin is much more than doing the wrong thing. It begins with loving, worshiping, and serving the wrong thing. Sin in some way always involves the great exchange.” (page 67)
“Whatever rules the heart will exercise inescapable influence over the person’s life and behavior.” (page 68)
November 25, 2004
Thanksgiving Day is the best holiday of all the yearly celebrations. All the fun of family and football with none of the Christmas stress. The WHOLE Wood side of my family gets together. I really get that Hallmark inspired warm fuzzy feeling when everyone is together. I sit in the corner, zoom lense in hand, and smile at the blessing of my family.
However, the scene is proceeded by hours of preparation and planning. How many seats can we fit around the seemingly shrinking table? What can we use to cover the stain on the carpet? Which cousin will bring a new significant other-that incidentally, we will spend the day snickering behind his/her back at any flaw we find, regardless of how insignificant. It’s a family tradition. And with the repeated trips to the Publix to pick up “just one more thing” I forgot (forgot meaning that I decided to add something else at the last minute). In the midst of the hurried preparations, I am left with two questions.
1. How did my dad get so patient?
2. How did the pilgrims do this without cell phones?
I am not sure the answers to those pressing questions, so I will leave them to finish my version of green bean casserole-a family dinner staple. I will anticipate the arrival of my entire family, the kick-off of the Colts/Lions game, and the yearly, harmonic singing of the Doxology.
“Priase God from whom all bles (harmony splits) sings flow. Praise Him, all creatures here below. Praise Him above the heav’nly host. Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen.”
November 18, 2004
Scented bath salts
Merlot-oakey, not spicey
Chris Botti’s CD “Thousand Kisses Deep”
It’s good to be a girl
November 11, 2004
John Kerry-vote for him before you vote against him. He’ll understand.
November 11, 2004
“Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed.” A.W. Tozer