There are some moments when I think I really can’t take five more minutes of this. This sentiment comes in the form of many discouragements: a 14 years old student being raped, contracting an STD and having an abortion to terminate the baby that resulted from her tragedy. 14! Or sometimes it comes in the form of one more bill I wasn’t expecting to be “that much?”. My mind replays the countless reasons my boss has given for why a raise isn’t an option. The upcoming expense of Christmas looms heavy on the horizon, and I am not sure how I am going to be able to give this year. Since giving is my love language, as well as my spiritual gift, I’m a little burdened over the seemingly shrinking resources at my disposal. I turn on the radio to “escape” and I am serenaded by memories of someone I would give anything to talk to, but can’t. I wonder how long this will hurt. When does obedience produce the fruit of peace and hope? There is no answer so I just turn the station. NPR. Yes, nothing on NPR can hurt.
It’s safe to say that I am going through a “thing” right now. Well-meaning friends promise me that it will pass. “Grown-ups” in my life chuckle as they assure me that my struggles are just the trials of being 26. This is the thing. I believe them. I know that this is normal part of 20 something. I know it will pass. But that knowledge has failed to bloom into hope. And it is this hope that I am counting on to drive out the defeated, burned-out, broken hearted, wilderness that I am lumbering through.
I would like to end this with and inspirational verse of hope or some witty retort that is meant to ease the reader. But as I have come to learn, sometimes we don’t get to feel better about our situation. So if I have managed to be a complete downer, sorry. Go do what I am going to do to get through today. Take a walk, dream of Ireland and read some recommended C.S. Lewis. Funny how “Til We have Faces” makes a lot more sense than “Kill We have Faces.” Some people talk too fast…I guess I can’t help the witty retorts.