Everything changed today. I didn’t want it to. Ok. That’s self-absorbed of me. The world didn’t change today. I had been living in a reality that was created by other people so that they could cover their humanity. I can’t blame them. We all do it, everyone of us. There’s no escaping it. From the moment Adam shoved Eve into that bush while God was walking by (that’s how the flannel-graph depicted it).
In my mind, I idealized her. She was the standard for me. I know this isn’t her fault. She never asked me to put her on a pedestal. But she certainly didn’t ask to come down, either. And now to know that she is making choices that I thought were diametrically opposed to her character, I think I officially have “trust issues.” Afterall, if in her solidity, she can commit the “big sins”, how will I ever escape them?
I have a friend who I love more than he knows. But I have struggled with his lifestyle, and that has caused issues. I got so frustrated with the choices he was making that I pushed him away. I don’t think I was clear about the fact that he was accepted in my eyes. It was probably the pushing away that did that. Oh, the arrogance. But one thing is certain, I always knew who he was and what he was about, short-comings and all. There were never any pretences with him. Until recently, I always knew where I stood with him.
Funny how thinking of one person’s sin makes me feel jaded. And thinking of another’s makes me feel his authenticity.