Oh, She’ll learn

March 29, 2005

I got to see my niece and nephew this weekend. I know I gush about them. I won’t apologize, either. Heaven knows I hear about my friends little ones. And I don’t mind. Really. Tell me all about them. ‘Cause you know you’re gonna hear stories.

I was talking to Dad about how everything my niece does is cute. Even when she is being willful, she is cute.

“Cheryl, she’s cute because she hasn’t learned to mask her willfulness. One day she will learn that if she really wants to get her way, she will have to cloak her sinful nature in manipulation”

he makes a good point. There will come a day when she won’t pitch fits. She will learn to master the art of passive aggression. She will join the ranks of women who, throughout time, have learned to get their way by batting eye lashes, crying to get out of tickets, and flirting with their Southern accents to get free stuff.

The world won’t see her coming.



March 29, 2005

I always hated it when people said that. But I was there this weekend, and it was just that. Everything in the ATL is hot. Something about concrete and no ocean breeze just makes it stifling.

My BFF from college lives there. She’s hot. We went to Buckhead for dinner. While we were cruising Peachtree Street, we were listening to some hot reggae music.

BFF: I can’t understand a word he’s saying.
CW: Yo, I hear that. Ahhh Patois.
BFF: My friend **** would understand him. He’s from Panama.
CW: Dude, they speak Spanish in Panama.

There wasn’t much conversation after that. We get to Casa Grande, which has wicked good Mexican food, even though the salsa is too hot. I started noticing how brutally hot the guys were at this place. ALL of them were the kind of hot you only see on TV. After about 15 minutes, it hit me. EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM WAS GAY.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem eating with gay people, hot or not. But it just caught me off guard. In Charleston, if there is a group of hot guys dresses up and on the town, it just means that the cadets at El Cid have leave. Maybe it’s wedding season and there are a lot of bachelor parties. We have our gay people here, they’re just more the cliche, artsie type-not the “extra cast from Will and Grace” types.


March 29, 2005

In the midst of all this coverage of the Michael Jackson trial, I heard something that truly amazes me.

McCauley Culkin still has a publicists?

Who makes these decision?!

March 24, 2005

Some painful experiences just won’t go away. No matter how much you think you have distanced yourself, or how you thought the torture was over, you wake up one morning and there it is…Re-runs of Mama’s Family.

If “executives” are going to insist on bringing back old shows, let me suggest a few:

The Great American Hero
The A-Team
Family Ties
Wonder Woman

Somebody’s dropping the ball.

Strip Search

March 24, 2005

I like that my job sends me to meetings that, from time to time, require a background check for security purposes.

Oh, CJ

March 21, 2005

My friend Craig is a great guy. He is known for his kindness, fun-loving personality and his generosity. He is smart, a great lawyer and has impeccable manners. Oh, I could go on. But Craig is not exactly known for his long term relationships. Bless his heart.

You can imagine how happy we were when he got a dog. We knew this would be a good baby step for him to learn commitment and working his schedule around “someone” else. It was touch and go there for a while. He almost gave Henry away, but we encouraged him to stick it out.

This past Sunday, I asked Craig how things were going with Henry. Here is the transcript of that conversation.

CW: Craig, how are things going with Henry? Better?

CJ: Oh, yeah. Things are much better. I got him a bark collar and that helped. I am taking him out on the boat today.

CW: Are you glad you stuck it out?

CJ: Definitely. He’s a good dog.

CW: (winking) There’s a lesson to be learned here, Craig.

CJ: I know. Next time I date someone, I should get her a bark collar.

CW: Breathless laughter.

CJ: Maybe that’s not the point.

Non-related Moments of Self-realization

March 18, 2005

1. I am pretty good at picking NCAA brackets. Well, I’m winning way more than I’m loosing. Not bad for a first effort.

2. I think I may be a really bad judge of character. I give people the benefit of the doubt too much. People have told me that it’s endearing. These are the same people who gently chastise me for not calling a spade a spade-or an ass an ass, as it may be.

Hopefully I can make money on point one. That way, I can afford a therapist when point two bites me in the arse.