Proverbial Last Straw

I can be melodramatic. This I know. Things just impact me. I’ve started watching re-runs of Saved By the Bell with my AM coffee because watching the news makes me cry. And since I cry watching beer commercials, I thought it best to limit the emotional stimuli in my life. If not for myself, I did it to fortify my relationship with my roommate who gets a front row seat for the Extreme Home Make-over moments.

My friend, Jared just spent 6 weeks working at a medical center in Ghana. He would tell me about his work there, and I would try, in vain I might add, to get him to leave out all the details. I played it off like it was the blood and gore of his stories that were unsettling to me. My baby sister and mom were gifted with the ability to handle bodily fluids with grace. I was not. It was the desperation of the people in his stories, those beautiful people with smiles that change your life, that was too much for me to carry. The truth is that there are days when I think I can actually feel the birth pains of this world. Broken, tortured, violent, cruel, unjust. You hear stories about Darfur, Fallujah and St. Louis and wonder if the world has gone completely mad. The answer is yes.

I bet you’re wondering why I added St. Louis as a temple of unholy cities. A judge gave a women 10 years for “renting” her nine year old daughter to a pedophile. She even held her down. For 20 bucks. I guess that’s the going rage…I mean rate for a little girl’s soul these days. The judge only gave her 10 years because “she took some parenting classes and isn’t a danger to the public.”

I feel helpless. Why did I leave HCS? MANY reasons. But most weighty was that the job became more about the political fight and the issue itself than the truth or helping people. Not that people there don’t care about people. It’s just the nature of the beast. For 6 years, I would call my dad crying because I didn’t feel I could make a difference. I could teach the best lesson and inevitably, a young girl would pull me aside after class and tell me how her grandfather sexually abused her for years. And what could I do? Gracefully convey my anger. That was it. I couldn’t throw him in jail…or in the ocean. I couldn’t heal her pain. I couldn’t help her to see the treasure that she is and that El Roi SEES. I couldn’t stop it from happening to another girl.

I must confess that my flesh is typing right now. I know that El Roi sees. His justice will come down. I know that Jehovah Raffa hurts. His healing will come down. I know that The Warrior protects little ones everyday. His shield will come down. How I long for Jehovah Shilom to bring His peace to this madness.

How do I get in the trenches without being consumed by the saturating hopelessness in them. How do I find the strength of heart that Jared has to just keep walking where there is a need?

Maybe it’s just a matter of submission. God hands out the assignments and we are to serve Him faithfully. It is my untrusting, rebellious heart that wishes to have the impact that The Bono or an Oprah has.

I don’t know how to dam up this stream of consciousness. Oh, speaking of Bono…Go to and listen to the keynote address he gave at the Presidential Prayer Breakfast. It’s 21 minutes, but worth every second.


3 Responses to Proverbial Last Straw

  1. “It is my untrusting, rebellious heart that wishes to have the impact that The Bono or an Oprah has.” and it’s the devil, the father of lies who would have you see all the hurt and none of the difference you HAVE made. I often feel the same way, well a guys equivalent to the same way. I see war and genocide and blinded eyes and I want to quite litteraly go to war to help but that’s not where God has placed me and I have to trust Him not only in my own life but in the lives of others. It’s easy for me to think I’ve never made a difference, I joke about having the spiritual gift of hands (meaning Im only useful to the kingdom for carying stuff) I hear my cousin say that I probably saved his life by being the right kind of example and caring about him, I hear that and it doesn’t register sometimes because the devil is trying to interfere and sow lies. It really is check mate for him though, satan has lost and every last move will end the same way. We are seeing the frantic last attempt to change the unchangeable. Pray for opened eyes to see the victory.

  2. Shawn says:

    Democrats leave Bono disappointed
    Anti-poverty activist gets no promise of funds

    Meetings in Washington last Thursday between rock star Bono and Democrats, including Senate leader Harry Reid of Nevada, yielded a nice photo-op but not much else, according to Bono.

    Bono, the U2 frontman and anti-poverty activist, was on Capitol Hill to seek assurances that $1 billion in planned U.S. spending to fight AIDS and malaria in Africa would not be lost if Congress freezes agency budgets in the coming year.

    Bono said he also was seeking to close a “commitment gap” between what President Bush has requested for anti-poverty efforts and what Congress has agreed to spend in the past.

    After meetings with incoming Senate Majority Leader Reid, House Speaker-to-be Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., and Democrats on the House Appropriations Committee, Bono said he came away empty-handed.

    “I’m alarmed we could not get a commitment from the Democratic leadership to prevent the loss of $1 billion in the continuing resolution,” Bono said Thursday in a statement.

    “I don’t know who to blame. Democrats are blaming Republicans. Republicans are blaming Democrats. But the million people who were expecting (mosquito) bed nets don’t know who to blame. They just know that a promise made by the United States to keep their families safe is in danger of being broken next year.”

  3. Jared says:

    Honestly? It’s more hardness than strength.
    Read “Not All of Us Are Saints” by David Hilfiker.

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