Calling all men! Or wait. Maybe I should let you call first…

I have a friend. She has been “talking” with this guy for about two months. She always lets him call her. It’s the whole “let him initiate” thing we Christians dogmatically cling to as the 11th commanment. Thou shalt not call a boy. Seriously, it’s how I was reared. Anyway, she was wondering when she could call him.

So I present to you this conumdrum. If you were “talking” with a girl and she called you, would you see that as her pursuing and therefore call into question her spiritual foundations? Or would you think it was nice that she wanted to talk to you so she just picked up the phone and called?

As our resident married guys, Shawn, Jon L. and Papa are required to offer your seasoned opinions.

Legal disclaimer: The advice offered on this site is for enlightenment/entertainment purposes only. Commentators can not be held liable for any sullied reputations or questioned sensibilities.


7 Responses to Calling all men! Or wait. Maybe I should let you call first…

  1. Smith says:

    I’ll first note that I adopt the above-referenced disclaimer for my particular posting.

    As a resident married WOman, I’ll throw in my two cents (plus, I’ve been studying at the law school for 14 hours now and I need a break.). I think it’s ok for a girl to call to chat, but not so much to pursue.

    The main reason is that I think we can fault romance by over-dramatizing relationships. No calling just chooses the extreme at the opposite end of the spectrum, and I don’t think that’s exactly what the Bible contemplates regarding femininity. When we create drama that is inherent in romantic rules like, “do not ever call”, it just creates false emotional intensity regarding the particular relationship. I think it can lead people to make decisions they wouldn’t otherwise make.

    That said, I don’t think girls should call in an effort to pursue during early stages of a relationship. Really, this is a heart issue for the woman – she has to be mature enough to recognize her motives for what they are, rather than inventing some sort of pretext.

    Another point to be balanced is the fact that relationships are meant to be two-sided. At some moment on the continuum, it’s not solely about a man making a woman feel like a princess. It’s also about a woman making a man feel respected and honored. Taking the lead on an occasional phone call is not automatically the equivalent of attempting to domineer the entire relationship.

  2. Shawn says:

    It is acceptable for her to call when she needs information (what’s appropriate dress for this evening), not when she just wants to talk. Women want to talk more than men so the number of times she would call him will easily out pace his own. Guys who want girls to feel free to call are insecure and wanting their ego to be stroked. They also end up with more variables then they can process. They do not need to analyze the amount of times she has called and use that as an indicator of her interest or care for him. Especially when she would end up moderating her calling based on the previously mentioned fact. Faulty data and a slow processor are a recipe for miscommunication and frustration. My advise is to take that relational energy and redirect it into other relationships she has been neglecting since he entered her life instead of devoting even more energy into the nuances of etiquette with him.

  3. Anonymous says:

    After receiving some varied advice from trusted individuals that ranged from ‘don’t do anything out of fear, but out of conviction’ to ‘call him, it’ll boost his ego’ to ‘guys like knowing their pursuit is wanted’, I called him. and he was ‘TOTALLY ok’ with it, and we had a great convo.

    Moral of the story- do what the Lord tells you to do. which is trusting Him, not a pseudo-boy.
    the end.

  4. cheryl says:

    hardcore, shawn. hardcore.

  5. Jared says:

    Life is complicated south of the Mason-Dixon. Up here the debate is “Would you ever say yes if a girl asked you out?” or “Is it ever ok for a girl propose to a boy?”
    Southerners (shakes head)…
    No wonder yall lost.

  6. Shawn says:

    I don’t think the South lost because of courting rituals or the lack of progressive thought. But, a brief survey of any military history book will show you the Northern army was riddled with ignorant, foolish, cowardly, and incompetent men who continued to suffer defeats for two straight years by forces a third to half their own size (translated they were half the men the Southerners were, or it took 2-3 men from the North to do what a man from the South could). Not to mention they were already organized, trained and equipped at the beginning of the war. The fact the North was unable to mount a successful campaign to defeat an inferior army and capture a city only a hundred miles away is a sad commentary on the men of the North. But with that kind of stock, I can understand why the women are now resorting to having to ask the men out and make a proposal. But instead of wondering what I would say, I am wondering why the women are bothering.

  7. Sam says:


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