Is this completely tacky?

My baby sister is getting married, so we are in the throws of showers and invitations and menus. It’s amazing what goes into a wedding. When I was a mite bit younger, I had lofty plans of the wedding I would have one day. The older I get the more I reject our culture’s expectations for weddings. People spend far more time planning a wedding than a marriage. And it is almost impossible to have a wedding without starting a marriage in debt or handing over the burden to family. I love my parents, and they put up with a lot from me, so I am tremendously reticent to have a big wedding. So I actually spend time thinking of ways that I could make a wedding easier and more affordable. Last night, in the fog between wake and sleep, an idea came to me.

Electronic Invitations.

Now those of you that relish doing things the “right” way, take a deep breath and give me a second to make my case. I am not suggesting something common from Create something elegant and send it over email. Between the invitations, RSVP cards and postage, sending it electronically will save you hundreds of dollars. People are more likely to RSVP if all they have to do is click a button. And 86ing the paper invitation is being a better steward of the environment. Why do I want to spend so much money on something that people look at and then throw away? I understand that having an invitation on the ‘fridge is a good reminder about the wedding, but those people who really want to come will remember.

It could be done in a really cool way. All you need is a graphic designer to make it really beautiful. (check)

Not like it matters now, but I was just wondering what kind of response this would get.



11 Responses to Is this completely tacky?

  1. Tammy says:

    I see your points, and they are great points. However, I still think it is considered a major “no no” to send email invitations. Our culture likes the idea of evite invitations for certain events, but I don’t think it has caught on to the idea of wedding evite invitations. I used to see that question asked a lot on
    Personally, I much prefer the hand-addressed invitation in the mail. It makes me think that I was especially invited and someone took time to personally invite me. Whereas, an electronic invitation would communicate to me that you glanced at my name for a second in your address book and clicked on me. There is something romantic about getting that mailed invitation. Just like getting a letter in the mail feels different than receiving an email. And, receiving a written thank-you note is better than the email thank-you note.
    And then, what do you do about the people who don’t have email? Or the people that don’t regularly check their email? Or the people who have filters that would automatically put your invitation in a spam box/junk box?
    I think it is a cutting edge concept that isn’t quite ready to launch, but I also know you well enough to know that you like to be different and push ideas forward. Just do me one favor. I DO think it would be tacky for you to send out an email invitation that also provided links to your registry. Maybe in the north, but not gonna fly here in the south. Please don’t do it.

  2. cheryl says:

    i hear what you are saying and i agree that mail is much more personal than email.
    You say that it’s a “no no” but who is saying “no no” ? I am sure it’s probably someone i don’t know who stands to make a great deal of money if i do it the conventional way.
    When spending that kind of money, one should ask “Why?” if there is a more affordable way to do it, why spend the money just to meet some standard set by someone i don’t know?

    being invited to a covenent wedding ceremony is very personal in and of itself. (i’m and not the kind of girl who wants everyone i’ve ever met at the wedding.) but do the people who love me and will be (so i’ve been told) really excited when i get married really care? i know this is going to sound callous, but i don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars to make someone feel special by sending them a snail mail invite. It kinda sounds like “hey, spend the money so i don’t get offended.”

    not to be all pheobe. but what if i took the money saved and gave it to charity? would it be acceptable then?

    i would not put the registry info on the invitation, paper or otherwise

  3. John David Henderson says:

    My initial reaction… **** culture, I would burn it down around us if I could. My friends who would actually be invited know my care for them and would understand, if they don’t well then I made a mistake inviting them. I think its a great idea Cheryl. Alot of men would appreciate you not killing them with expectations that serve no one but our economy and bride magazines.

    Here’s one more, my options are either marry at 50, marry a rich girl (they usually make me uncomfortable) or work multiple jobs for at least a year longer than I would want to wait to marry the girl, straining our relationship and risking purity. I say we don’t need one single bit more stuff than we both already have but we do need each other. I would register at the caterers and church etc. Instead of giving some stupid mixer you could give us a wedding by helping to pay for it. Its what we want the most and the only thing we need.

  4. John David Henderson says:

    I also think churches should say alot more about this. If I were a pastor I would counsel young couples how to not go into debt and how to encourage realistic expectations from day one (wedding day). The dangers of delay are so apparent. Have you ever heard of a church with a wedding scholarship fund? I havent but its a great idea if this is truely something we believe in as a church.

  5. cheryl says:

    definately thinking outside the box now.

  6. katie says:

    i really like the electronic invitations idea. but i also can see how my grandmother might be a bit turned off to the idea. especially since she doesn’t know how to check email. so maybe you divide your guest list into halfs. the first half – grandparents, great aunts, those people who still live by Emily Post’s rule of etiquette – get paper invites (we’re only looking at 20 max right?). Everyone else gets the electronic invite. If they need a paper copy, all they have to do is hit print. There’s also the do-it-yourself paper invitations. I’ve seen some and if you take the time to do it right, they look pretty good and still save you lots of $$.

  7. Steven says:

    Yes. Tacky. The end.

    Okay not the end. What if you hand made something? Buy plain paper and print cut and fold everything yourself. Tie it up with ribbon or do a grommet or something lovely like that. It doesn’t do anything for postage, but it’s cheaper and more endearing than ordering invitations from your local wedding planner slash extortionist.

  8. Smith says:

    I agree with Steven. These things can be recycled to minimize impact on the environment. Using the internet actually taxes the environment quite a bit.

  9. cheryl says:

    classic case of damned if you do, damned if you don’t, i guess.

  10. John David Henderson says:

    Damned if you start a lifetime together worrying about every one else’s expectations.

  11. mom says:

    Your sister would have liked Steven’s idea of making the invitations since that’s what she did. She’s been a “card maker” from way back–a really good card maker, at that.

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