I didn’t at first. The garish lights around us overtook you, and you were lost in the madness of that time. I wish I had seen you more clearly then, but that time is gone. And when the lights dimmed to reveal the illusion around me, you were there as you had always been. Steady, faithful, undemanding and overlooked – foolishly overlooked. I count it as a Special Grace that I was given more time to see what was there. I see you. I see you because we share the same scars. And I see you because you say the things that I have felt to my core for so long. I know your heart because I know what breaks it. I know your brilliance and determination. I hear your quiet. I see all of the potential that you are finally realizing in your life. I see your life. It,You are beautiful.
I know the other parts of you, too. I see the frantic pace of your days and the sleeplessness of your nights. The race for first keeps you at break-neck speeds. And I know your burden because you run it alone. You think you run it alone. Sometimes I think you mistake resignation for forgiveness. Bitterness. Those words so longed for may never be spoken, but it doesn’t bring healing to pretend that you don’t need them.
And when it comes to words, I’ve never seen anyone hold onto the last ones you heard just to have a knot at the end of your rope and a direction for your steps. The colours of you mix and you are a kaleidoscope of hope and hardness. BUt like I said, I’ve already made up my mind about you.
But there’s something else.
My eyes can only see so far. I never told you this. I didn’t think it would matter. I know you haven’t heard from him in a while. The truth is, I don’t know how to approach him either. The silence is torture. But one of the last things he said to me was about you. He showed me your beauty in a way I could not deny. And it wasn’t in something you can pay for or frame or wear on your arm. There was no applause around you. He just told me where he is taking you, your heart, your life. He allowed me to see into your life in a way I had never seen. And it was the most amazing sight.
I saw you. You are beautiful.