But I think the thoughts rambling around in my head should be expressed. First off, thank you to everyone who has called, emailed or texted to encourage me and ask me how things are going. I am good. Jesus is sustaining my heart well. Maybe it just hasn’t hit me that I am in transition yet. Who knows? I will take it as a gift and thank Him for it.
I am really enjoying the job. There are a lot of possibilities here. I approach them with a mix of over-zealousness but hidden fear. What if I can’t accomplish all that I want to do here? What if I go to fast and they don’t want to make needed changes? What if that producer from Fox doesn’t call me back? I guess that will all work itself out. But here’s the thing I am really bouncing around in my noggin.
When I am in meetings and we are talking about programs and ideas, I get really excited about getting the message out and helping the donor base grow. I want people to know about the amazing work that is being done and how much more can be done. I am a cause person. I love causes. But do I love people?
I am praying that my motivation will grow from a desire to do my best to reflect Him well. I also want to do it out of love for these poor, forgotten, people who are hurting so much. But you know how a culture or a people will just grab your heart? Sam loves Russians. Paige and Steve have part of their hearts in Romania. Ryan Thompson and his wife feel a passion for the lost in France. And me. If you have known me for 5 minutes you know what makes my heart race.
I have never felt a “calling”-“passion” whatever for India or the Far East. Not that you need to have a calling for a particular people to answer when He tells you to go. But it does take it to a whole new level when the people you are working with have captured your heart.
Maybe that will come with time. I don’t want to be a cause lover. I want to be a Jesus lover and a people lover.
Thoughts are welcome!