Jared, this one’s for you.

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up at the pearly gates of Heaven. The first doctor steps forward. “I’m a pediatric surgeon. I’ve saved the lives of countless children.” St. Peter lets him in. The next doctor steps forward. “I’m a psychiatrist. I’ve helped countless people live happier lives.” St. Peter lets him in as well. The third man steps forward. “I’m an HMO manager. I’ve helped countless families get cost-effective healthcare.” St. Peter replied, “You may enter. But you can only stay three days and then you can go to hell.”

(and this one just made me laugh. out. loud.)

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite the celebrity here. We even have a drink named after you.” To which the grasshopper replied, “You have a drink named Steve?”

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