As heard on NPR

April 30, 2008

Analysts should never use the words, “But on the other hand.”


Overheard…forget it. It was me and my sister

April 28, 2008

We were walking downtown when two rather conservative young people passed us.

They smell like Bob Jones kids.

Cheryl: Exactly what does that smell like?

Sharon: You know. Like a household in Michigan’s UP.

Happy Days are here again! The “Homade Hotdog” sign is back! Woo Hooo!

April 25, 2008

Please welcome the newest member of

April 23, 2008

Isaac Christopher was born at exactly 4:00pm and weighted exactly 8lbs. He is scrumptious and nummy nummy. He has big hands and feet and, as his 5 year old big sister said as she looked at his naked body, a really big bladder. I don’t make the news. I just report it. His ears lay flat, and he isn’t a cone head. He has blonde hair and full lips and big eyes and I love him a whole lots and bunches.

Dana (my sis-in-law) went from 5 to 9 cm in 15 minutes. So she was rockin’ it old school for a while there. The anesthesiologist didn’t even want to give her an epidural. But when he saw her gnawing my brother’s hand off, he decided in favor of it. Rumor has it he set a record for the fastest epidural ever given. Good work.

My sisters were both looking dewy eyed at their head-shaking husbands. Something tells me that “the conversation” will be had again in both their homes tonight. I will talk to the wall about it.

Life doesn’t get any better than seeing your whole family, all 4 generations, gathered to welcome one more precious life into our growing brood.

The management of this blog does not necessarily endorse or reject the content of this post.

April 22, 2008

1957 vs. 2007
Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot
with shotgun in gun rack.

1957 -Vice Principal comes over, looks at
Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2007 -School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1957 -Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

-Police called , SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark.
Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Jeffrey won ‘t be still in class, disrupts other students.

1957 -Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2007 -Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1957 -Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 -Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she members being abused herself and the dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist

Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.

2007 -Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations.
Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Pedro fails high school English.

1957 -Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2007 -Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Johnny takes apart left over firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

1957 -Ants die.

2007 -BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list
and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1957 -In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2007 -Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

An Unfortunate Misjudgment

April 21, 2008

Dear Guy I sold a wrist band to at the art festival,
I understand that the line between Scottish tartan and catholic school girl skirt is a thin one. But I do believe you landed on the wrong side of said line.


Parenting 101

April 19, 2008

Sharon: So I was at AM – PM* today. I learned that Emily is at an age that spanking can be introduced. They actually sell this rubber strap that stings but doesn’t leave any marks.

Dad: Water boarding doesn’t leave marks either.

*A support/learning/sharing group for moms with young children.