Ya know that movie where the girl gets pregnant and everyone is congratulating her. But her best friend sees that she doesn’t want a baby and so those comments just make her want to scream?
I’m glad I don’t have cancer. But I’m back at square 1 when it comes to knowing what is wrong with me. Why have I been so sick this year? Why does my heart race all day? Why am I tired ALL THE TIME?
I was hoping some sort of diagnosis would be the light at the end of this tunnel. But it’s just more questions and frustration.
Praise God I don’t have cancer. Praise God if I do have cancer. We don’t praise Him because medical test come back well. We praise Him because it’s what we are made for. But honestly, I’m not that good of a person. I don’t want to live with this thing in my neck that hurts and makes it hard to sing. You see, I kind of like to sing. So, I’m actually kind of angry right now. And not just at circumstances. I am mad that this seems so meaningless. Seriously, if anyone says, “It’s how you respond that makes it meaningful.” I will ban you from the blog forever. I KNOW THAT. I KNOW HE HAS A PLAN! I KNOW WE LIVE IN A FALLEN WORLD AND CRAP HAPPENS! AND I KNOW THAT IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, IT’S NOT THAT BIG OF A SACRIFICE THAT HE’S ASKING! AND PLEASE KNOW HOW ANGRY I AM THAT I’M RESPONDING THIS WAY!
People keep emailing me that this is great news. It’s not great news. It’s just news. It’s just one option removed from the puzzle. I think I just need to go call my sister.